Awakening Inquiry is aimed at awakening to what I’ve been calling Reality-with-a-Capital-R. How do we inquire into aspects of Reality we have not yet even imagined? How do we even know what we don’t know? How can we see what we have not yet seen? How do we even know where to look? In Zen, we do this through the use of koans, whether those are traditional koans or natural ones. I discuss the nature of awakening inquiry and how to find koans to focus your practice.
Read/listen to Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, or Part 4 first.
Quicklinks to Article Content:
The Great Doubt Underlying All Suffering
The Way Our Lives are Influenced by Our Existential Fears
Awakening to Reality as Liberation
To Awaken, We Need Help from Those Who Have Gone Before Us
The Nature of Koans, or Dharma Gates
Finding Koans to Focus On
“Passing” Koans
Next in Spiritual Inquiry: Skillful Means Questions
This is the fifth episode in my series on spiritual inquiry. In the first episode I defined what I mean by “spiritual” and talked about how the spirit of inquiry is central to the Buddhist path. I also defined four kinds of spiritual inquiry: Practical practice questions, karma work, awakening inquiry, and spiritual means questions. In the second episode of the series, I talked about our relationship to spiritual inquiry and why we sometimes experience resistance to the process. I also revisited the important and complementary relationship between karma work and awakening. Then I spent two episodes discussing karma work.
Thus, we find ourselves on the topic of awakening inquiry.
The Great Doubt Underlying All Suffering
As I described in the episodes on karma work, diligently studying the self allows us to become more and more intimate with our karma, including our tendencies, desires, and habits of body, speech, and mind. We learn to live more skillfully – through effort, but also by looking for the underlying causes for our behavior. At some point in our investigation, we may find something we can heal, or let go. The result is greater freedom, happiness, peace of mind, and energy for benefiting others.
Then what? If you are unfamiliar with Buddhism, you might think spiritual practice would end with becoming a better, happier person through this process of self-study and karma work. It doesn’t. As I discussed in the previous episode in this series, karma work involves delving deeper and deeper into the root causes of our suffering and harmful behaviors. Each time we get an insight into what’s behind our fear or longing, we ask, “And what’s behind that?” If we keep digging, ultimately we get to what Zen calls the Great Doubt (capital G, capital D), or our “doubt mass.”
Our Great Doubt is about the nature of our very existence. It is not affected by our karma. It’s not about the myriad details of our lives – our personality, childhood experiences, achievements, failures, relationships, health challenges, opinions, values, etc. My Great Doubt is not fundamentally different than your Great Doubt. Simply to be alive presents us with tension and mystery. What is the nature of this fleeing life? Who am I? This is also called the Great Matter of Life and Death, and we share it with all beings. In fact, we share it with all Being.
As long as we have not resolved our Great Doubt, we have not identified or addressed the root cause of our fear and longing. We may get to a point where we’re pretty happy and don’t feel a whole lot of motivation to take our spiritual inquiry deeper, but our happiness remains somewhat superficial. When our life is upended with death, illness, loss, pain, loneliness, or injustice, chances are good that our unresolved doubts will arise in our consciousness. What is the nature of this fleeting life? Is there anything to rely on? Can true happiness and peace of mind be found in this world of constant change and turmoil?
The Way Our Lives are Influenced by Our Existential Fears
At a subtler level, our unresolved existential doubts continue to fuel our neuroses, delusions, and unskillful behaviors. As I discussed in Episode 125 – Liberation Through Understanding the Five Wisdom Energies, one Buddhist teaching delineates five different ways people tend to respond when they have an intuition about the truth of Emptiness, but have not yet awakened to what it really means. We all have a vague intuition about Emptiness because of the impermanent nature of life. We know firsthand that we can’t hold on to anything permanently, even if we live in denial about that and haven’t consciously explored the matter.
According to the Five Wisdom Energy teachings, your anxiety about Emptiness manifests in one of five characteristic ways. If – based on your karma – you have ended up with lots of red energy, you primarily fear that embracing Emptiness will result in isolation. You become obsessed with shoring up your sense of self through experiences of connection and intimacy with others, or with life itself. This may sound positive, but experiences are impermanent, so you must constantly search for new ones. If you have lots of yellow energy, you primarily fear disintegration and loss. Because of this fear you tend to accumulate as much as you can – possessions, money, relationships, comfort, safety – as if you can make yourself so substantial you will be able to stand against what you fear Emptiness is.
If you have lots of green energy, you primarily fear that Emptiness means groundlessness or chaos. To compensate for this fear, you get caught up in an endless flurry of activity aimed at controlling your environment and maintaining some degree of order. If you have lots of blue energy, you fear annihilation or attack. Emptiness feels like a threat to you personally, so you focus on defense through building your status, power, independence, or knowledge. Finally, if you have lots of white energy you primarily fear that Emptiness means the universe is a nihilistic void – that you really don’t exist at all. In response, you aim to numb out or distract yourself to avoid overwhelm or depression.
Awakening to Reality as Liberation
No human being, of course, is as simple as these teachings may seem to imply. We all contain some red, yellow, green, blue, and white energy. These teachings are useful in that they highlight how our lives can continue to be influenced by our existential fears, even if those fears remain largely unconscious. The neurotic ways we try to address our fears of Emptiness – affirming our existence through experiences of intimacy, accumulating things, trying to control things, building up our defenses, or numbing out – serve only as temporary relief, at best. These characteristic coping mechanisms are ways we sabotage our own happiness and often cause suffering for self and others.
Of course, Emptiness is not what we fear it is. That is the promise of Buddhism – that if, despite our fears, we face Reality-with-a-Capital-R, we will find liberation and peace of mind. As I’ve been discussing in my series on “One Reality, Many Descriptions,” the wonderful and surprising thing about the world is that liberation and joy can be found simply by seeing Reality clearly. Peace not be achieved through a fundamental correction of our wayward nature but can be experienced when we see through our own mental map of reality. In other words, it’s not Reality that’s the problem, it’s our own minds.
To phrase liberation in terms of the Five Wisdom Energies, when we truly understand Emptiness, we realize we are intimately connected with all Being; that our true self-nature is not dependent on the permanence of our body or any conditional things; that when we let go, appropriate response arises within us and there is no need to try to control everything; that our true self-nature is not something that can be attacked or destroyed, and that the universe – far from being a nihilistic void – is simultaneously One luminous, seamless Reality and a multiverse populated by infinite manifestations of Own-Being.
To Awaken, We Need Help from Those Who Have Gone Before Us
So, how do we go about “awakening inquiry?” If we’re willing to consider the possibility that our view of reality is limited or even deluded, if we’re pretty sure there’s a whole lot more to Emptiness, Suchness, or Buddha-Nature than we’ve directly experienced, what do we do next?
To awaken to Reality-with-a-Capital-R in a full-bodied, transformative way, we need the help of other people. These “other people” may be ancient masters whose teachings can be accessed in texts, recent or contemporary teachers, or fellow practitioners who are a few steps ahead of you on the path. The point is that these other people point you beyond anything you have so far conceived of.
Many Buddhists find a scene in the 1999 movie “The Matrix” to be a potent metaphor for awakening, including the need for help from others. The main protagonist, Neo, has lived his entire life in a digital simulation, the “Matrix,” which he and everyone else in it believed to be real. In actuality, intelligent machines keep human bodies in a state of permanent stasis, mining them for energy, and the Matrix is a virtual world to keep them pacified. Once he starts to become suspicious, Neo is offered two pills by someone who is already awake to the true state of humanity: A blue pill, which will allow him to sink obviously back into the Matrix, and a red pill, which will reveal everything to him and wake up his body in a violent, traumatic, irrevocable way.
Fortunately, spiritual awakening is a positive thing, not a rude awakening to a dystopian nightmare. What is accurate about this red pill/blue pill metaphor when it comes to Buddhist awakening is that 1) we are so caught up in our limited view of reality that it is extremely unlikely we would look beyond it unless someone with a larger perspective encouraged us to do so; 2) there is a anesthetizing, self-perpetuating quality to our limited view of reality, so it’s very easy and tempting to remain trapped within it rather than face the unknown, even if we know we’re not as free or happy as we could be.
Is it possible to awaken to deep spiritual truths, to Reality-with-a-Capital-R, without the help of other people? Theoretically yes, but even if you think you’ve done it, it’s unlikely that your path has been independent of those who have gone before you, whether they professed to be religious, spiritual, or secular. Significantly, part of the reason Shakyamuni Buddha is so revered in Buddhism is because he is regarded as the first Buddha of this world, meaning he awakened without the assistance of another Buddha. Subsequently, we have had Shakyamuni’s way to follow.
The Nature of Koans, or Dharma Gates
To begin awakening inquiry, then, we turn our attention to expressions of truth from those who are presumably more awake than we are – particularly to those expressions which point toward something that is currently beyond our understanding or experience. The truth the other person is expressing is something they promise is available to us as well. They testify to the wonder of it, and state unequivocally that it is worth the effort to experience it for ourselves.
It’s like we’re on a long hike. We’ve gotten exhausted and have found a fairly pleasant place to camp. We consider staying there for the duration of the time we have. Then some hikers come by on their return journey and tell us about an incredible waterfall that’s a couple more miles down the trail. The hikers are honest – it’s a steep and treacherous trail – but they assure us it’s doable and the reward at the end is more than worth it. Encouraged and inspired, we continue down the trail, eager to experience the waterfall for ourselves.
In Zen, we have a term for expressions of truth that point us toward what we have not yet experienced for ourselves: Koans. Traditional koans are stories of interactions between Zen teachers and students which convey something of enduring Dharmic significance, relevant to any practitioner. Other words of past teachers may also be engaged as koans, including teachings, texts, or poetry. Koans can also be found in the words and actions of teachers in the present – and those teachers may be “spiritual” teachers, or anyone we meet who seems to have mastered something important. As I discussed in Episode 183, koans that arise in everyday life could be called “natural koans.”
The common feature of all koans is that they call our attention to what we don’t yet know, or what we are, as yet, unable to manifest. They may or may not take the form of classic teaching stories or even words. For example, the actions and demeanor of my teacher were a potent koan for me. While I was constantly comparing myself to other people and conscious of whether my merits were recognized and acknowledged by others, my teacher quietly and patiently cooked meals for our Zen community. She did not need to be the one leading or speaking. She did not need her role to be one with status or recognition. She did not work half-heartedly, engaged in a constant internal monologue about whether or not it was fair that everyone else would show up at mealtimes with a sense of oblivious entitlement as if food miraculously prepared itself. She did not worry about whether cooking was fit work for a transmitted Zen priest.
Just watching my teacher each day brought me up against what I could not yet understand. What is going on here? I would wonder. How can she be this way? I wanted what she had. Not that I wanted to be a Zen community’s cook, but I wanted to be centered in my Own-Being the way my teacher was. I wanted to have a sense of meaning and purpose that wasn’t dependent on competition, recognition, or status, because worrying about all of that was exhausting and frustrating.
When we encounter a koan, we encounter a place of not-knowing. We don’t understand the words of the koan story. The Dharma expression seems obscure, as if in a foreign language. We can’t fathom the mind state or behavior of someone who exhibits true freedom or compassion. A koan may feel like an obstacle – a gate keeping us excluded from a place of liberation and peace that others are enjoying. A koan may feel like a challenge or a provocation, pointing painfully toward our ignorance, inhibition, or selfishness. As we encounter a koan, we may feel utterly confused about where to even begin, let alone about how to find a way to pass through this barrier and awaken to the truth behind it.
Finding Koans to Focus On
How do you find a koan to work on? If you’re part of a koan tradition like Rinzai Zen, chances are good that most or all of the talks and classes in your community focus on traditional koans. If you want to deepen your practice in such a group, it’s likely that eventually the teacher will “assign” you a koan from the Chan and Zen collections. There are many different ways formal koan work is approached, and sometimes a teacher might assign you a koan based on what they perceive is your particular issue. (They’re very unlikely to refer to the Five Wisdom Energies as they consider this, but the shape of your fundamental existential fear is the kind of thing a teacher might look at.) Most often, however, a teacher in a formal koan tradition will give you one of a handful of “breakthrough” koans that everyone starts with, such as, “What is this?”
I’m from the Soto Zen tradition, which does not engage in formal koan study in the sense that we have a curriculum of koans you work your way through with a teacher, who confirms your passage of each one. However, it is not that Soto Zen does not have koans. That would essentially mean Soto Zen is not concerned about awakening, and that is certainly not the case. Soto Zen teachings and literature not only include koan collections (notably, the Book of Serenity, compiled by Chan master Hongzhi[i]), but also numerous koan stories found embedded in other texts and teachings. In addition to explicit koans (stories of interactions between teachers and students), many profound teachings can be engaged as koans as long as they point toward what we do not yet know for ourselves, but want to. Finally, as I discussed earlier, koans may present themselves in our everyday lives, wordless but nonetheless powerful.
So how do you choose a koan to focus your practice if you don’t have a teacher to assign you one? The key is to recognize that, ultimately, awakening inquiry is a self-directed practice. No one can make you do it or do it for you. The progress you make will be directly related to the amount of time, energy, and passion you devote to the process. A teacher may be a helpful guide or companion on the way, but not even a fully enlightened Buddha can see into your mind, know exactly what steps you need to take, and then take them for you.
Plus, you can trust yourself to find your way to a koan that will help focus and vitalize your practice. Don’t overthink it. Don’t go looking for a special koan because you’re a special person. The truth that any koan is pointing toward is the same for everyone and is important for everyone.
Start by exposing yourself to the teachings, particularly the koan stories and writings like those of Hongzhi, Dogen, Rinzai, and Bankei. While much is to be learned from Buddhist teachings that are rational and explanatory, what you’re looking for is something that is, on the surface, inscrutable. Zen master Keizan describes what we’re looking for here as, “Sayings… you can’t draw any flavour out of.”[ii] The words should not readily translate into something you can make sense of, or something that inspires you to philosophize.
When you read a koan, the question should naturally arise in you, “What on earth is going on here? What could this possibly mean?”
Hongzhi says:
Cast off completely your head and skin. Thoroughly withdraw from distinctions of light and shadow. Where the ten thousand changes do not reach is the foundation that even a thousand sages cannot transmit. Simply by yourself illuminate and deeply experience it with intimate accord. The original light flashes through confusion. [iii]
Linji says:
If you attain real, true perception and understanding, birth and death won’t affect you – you are free to go or stay. [v]
Dogen says that mountains walk just like human being do, and:
If you doubt mountains’ walking, you do not know your own walking; it is not that you do not walk, but that you do not know or understand your own walking. [iv]
Or, even better, choose a breakthrough koan by settling on an existential question like, “Who is this?” Allow the phrase to turn your attention toward your moment by moment experience. Let go of all reference points and ask the question with your whole body. Don’t try to figure it out with your mind. This not about philosophy, metaphysics, or even “spirituality.” It is possible to carry a koan like this with you throughout your entire waking hours, perhaps even into sleep.
“Passing” Koans
You do not need a teacher to tell you if or when you have “passed” a koan. You may indeed need a teacher to tell you that you haven’t, because you may come up with an intellectual response that doesn’t express the truth of the matter, but you assume your cleverness has helped you figure things out. But you will know when you have “passed” a koan like, “Who is this?” You will know the answer in your flesh, and will not get lost in a fog of doubt or intellectual speculation when some asks you, “Who is this?” Only the Real Person can respond. Who is the Real Person? How can there be a Real Person when everything is Empty of inherent self-nature? This is not an inquiry that follows the rules of all the other kinds of inquiry you have done up until now.
In some ways it doesn’t matter what koan you choose, as long as it helps keep you motivated, and oriented toward awakening. Just be sure the koan is focused not on your shortcomings, obstacles, or failures, but instead on a tantalizing glimpse of greater freedom, peace of mind, authenticity, happiness, or compassion. As you seek to approach that vision of greater freedom, you will naturally come up against your obstacles.
Awakening inquiry can take a long time and can require lots of patience, diligence, faith, and effort. However, after our first significant experience of awakening, the whole process can become a lot easier and can move much more quickly. This is because we realize that whatever obstacles we have encountered on our path were entirely within our own mind. That is not to say – in any way – that they weren’t real obstacles, but that freedom is entirely within our own power. This is why koans are sometimes called “gateless gates;” there appears to be something blocking our access to the truth, like a gate, but when we resolve or pass a koan we see how the way forward has been wide open all the time.
I knew I had passed the koan embodied by my teacher when I made peace with my very own life. I learned for myself that the essential matter of being alive was the unfolding of this moment, and no one could ever take that away from me. Even if I were to find myself in circumstances that I found difficult, unfulfilling, or unjust, I had just this, and it was enough. No dramatic, magical experience marked my awakening to this truth, and no teacher confirmed my understanding until long after I learned to live more in accord with it. Now I can think with admiration of my teacher’s quiet, selfless service and smile in gratitude, because now I have a little of what she has.
Next in Spiritual Inquiry: Skillful Means Questions
In the next episode in this spiritual inquiry series, I will discuss “spiritual means” questions. This seems to be most people’s favorite kind of question, focusing on how to act in the world with more generosity, goodwill, compassion, patience, wisdom, energy, authenticity, wisdom, and effectiveness. How do we manifest whatever awakening we have experienced? Why doesn’t insight and aspiration translate directly into behavior? What is the best way to engage other sentient beings?
Naturally, we want our practice to positively affect our daily life. We want to see practical results, such as improvements in our relationships, a more satisfying work life, or a way to make wise decisions about how to make our world a better place. These are very challenging questions which take a lifetime to answer and embody, and our practice can be very useful in this process.
It helps, I think, to differentiate spiritual means questions from karma work and awakening inquiry. It may be tempting to skip over the sometimes messy and painful business of karma work and focus instead on applying practice to our daily life. However, this is analogous to an athlete going out to run in order to train for a marathon, but ignoring his chronic injury and the ongoing habits which prevent it from healing.
We may figure we don’t really have the time, inclination, or need to engage in awakening inquiry; it may seem like a self-indulgent process of trying to understand complex metaphysical concepts which are irrelevant to us. If Buddhism doesn’t result in positive changes in your actual life, what good is it?
Of course, Buddhist practice should result in positive changes in your actual life! This is why we practice holistically – meditating, working on our moral behavior, practicing human relationships in the context of Sangha, cultivating mindful awareness of everything we do each day, and striving to be generous and skillful in our dealings with others. We work on karma, awakening, and skillful means all at the same time. No one is suggesting you should spend many years mulling over your unresolved karma, then move on to awakening only once you’ve completed that, and then thinking about the rest of the world only once you’ve achieved complete enlightenment! All three of these areas of spiritual inquiry complement and feed back into one another.
That said, if you’re someone eager to focus on skillful means, it might help to remind yourself that both karma work and awakening inquiry will help you get yourself out of the way so skillful means can flow more freely.
Endnotes
[i] Cleary, Thomas (translator). The Book of Serenity: One Hundred Zen Dialogues. Boston, MA: Shambala Publications, 2005.
[ii] Keizan Jokin. Points to Keep in Mind While Practicing Zazen.
[iii] Leighton, Taigen Dan (translator). Cultivating the Empty Field: The Silent Illumination of Zen Master Hongzhi. Boston, MA: Tuttle Publishing, 2000 (The Ground That Sages Cannot Transmit)
[iv] Tanahashi, Kazuaki, trans., ed. Treasury of the True Dharma Eye: Zen Master Dogen’s Shobo Genzo. Boston, MA: Shambala Publications, 2010. (Chapter 15, Mountains and Water Sutra)
[iv] Cleary, Thomas (translator). The Recorded Sayings of Linji.
Picture Credit
Image by Septimiu Balica from Pixabay
